Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
