I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize