So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
