my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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