i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ruined the universe
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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