dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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