Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
