so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
