Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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