Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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