READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
