You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Congratulations! We have a period
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