At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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