my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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