I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
