What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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