Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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