I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
