I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need water and some morals
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
