You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
