Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
