I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
