I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
