too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
