My liver just broke up with me...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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