I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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