Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
