I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
