Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize