between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
