i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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