It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
