He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
