After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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