i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
