What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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