Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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