These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
