she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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