woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
