Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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