I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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