well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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