Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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