I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
