anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
