I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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