"it" just moved
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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