forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Where is the hickey?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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