Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
