I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
