i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
