He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
