Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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