Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
