She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
