One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
