Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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