Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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