he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
