I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
