Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
