also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
