is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
