I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
