I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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