We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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