My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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