and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
