no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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