I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
