not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
