Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
