WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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