Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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