don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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