Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
