whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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